Currently reading Waking the Tiger – Healing Trauma by Peter A. Levine
’Are you finally happy now?”
In response to my post about finding my dad, after I had been looking for him for over 30 years, someone asked me “so, are you finally happy now?”
At first, I was taken a bit aback – are you finally happy now? – it sounded almost like a reproach, although I know it wasn’t meant to be.
After my initial response, I chose to allow the answer to that question to find me – am I fully happy now? Yes and no. And that is the truth – my truth right now.
Yes, hell yes – I am happy to get to know my father, to pick his brain and to discover and uncover who he really is and what he has gone through and experienced all those years – with me, when I was little, and without me, all those years leading up to now.
So yes, that part of our story does make me incredibly happy.
But, there is a “but” – there is a reason why my dad hadn’t been part of my life for such a long time and there are a lot of facts and realities I need to come to terms with right now. Truths that hurt.
For one, I want to point out that there will never be that one magical event that will make a person instantly happy – you might glow from within for longer periods of time during the day, or weeks, or years, because a vital spark within has been rekindled by that sudden turn of events, but a person’s overall wellbeing and happiness comes down to so much more – we have families, friends, jobs, and so many more factors that make up our identity – so a sense of genuine calm and serenity in all those areas is what contributes to an individual’s overall happiness. It’s not “the one life-changing incident” that turns you into a glittering happiness mirror ball over night. People would rather think you have gone mental if it did ☺️🙃
So, “am I finally happy now?” – spending time with my father and being able to gather the missing pieces of the puzzle has certainly contributed to me finding my place in this world and consequently allowed me to access and retrieve a significant amount of childlike happiness and wonder that had been hidden away for so long – but –
– but having to face the circumstances and events related to our story has also been unsettling on so many levels and in so many ways. That’s where the “there is still room for happiness improvement” comes in – That’s why my – our – journey doesn’t end here ☺️ I believe a new chapter has only just begun 🥰
– allowing and accepting the glorious and the painful and dealing with the pieces of the puzzle one bit at a time ❣️☺️
“choosing to remember the love instead.” ❣️
Understand that as you sit here right now, no one has ever thought what you are thinking. No one has ever occupied the space you occupy. Really try to comprehend what philosophers call “the existential aloneness”—that you are alone in the universe, and you must experience that aloneness in such a way that you never allow yourself to feel down or depressed by it. Nobody can ever get behind your eyeballs and feel what you feel and experience what you experience, except for you. You can be in a room full of people and still be alone. You could be making love to the person you adore more than anything in the world, and you’re still alone. You are always experiencing things in your own unique and special way. In all of time, no one can ever get to an understanding of themselves, of the universe, of what it means to be a no-limit person, unless they get to this point called inner peace—and that is something you can never obtain but can only feel inside. Learning to tune in to your own specialness and consult your inner signals will help point the way to lasting and genuine success.
Dyer, Wayne W.. Happiness Is the Way (pp. 81-82). Hay House. Kindle Edition.